Enjoyment Tips

I tried this Peanut Butter M&M's candy bar out of the vending machine the other day. On the label in small letters read:

Enjoyment Tip: If inner foil is broken, do not eat.

There are many things to be said about this statement. 1) This is not an enjoyment tip, it is a warning. However, to avoid panic, these folks decided to put somewhat of a spin on a warning and made it sound positive. 2) How will I enjoy something if I don't eat it? Again this is a gross spin on reality. Yes, I will enjoy life more if I'm not poisoned by a tainted candy bar, but how does this candy bar help me enjoy anything if I have to toss it? I suppose the absence of agonizing pain or death is a type of joy. 3) I don't need tips to enjoy things. Usually my instinctful pursuit of enjoyment works pretty well. It's like those instructions on the Hi-C drink boxes where the third and last direction is "Enjoy". Duh.

Well, in the spirit of the good people at M&M's, I've taken upon myself to share with you some other enjoyment tips for life...

1. Enjoyment tip for crossing the street, look both ways.
2. Enjoyment tip for eating, chew the food throughly before swallowing.
3. Enjoyment tip for cleaning with household products, don't eat or drink them.
4. Enjoyment tip for high voltage, don't touch it.
5. Enjoyment tip for waterfalls, don't swim near them.
6. Enjoyment tip for rock climbing, don't let go.
7. Enjoyment tip for camping, don't feed the bears.

May these enjoyment tips enrich your life.