How I Got Engaged

For the guys, I put the parts of the story that were necessary in italics. The rest is for the girls, haha.

32I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34and his interests are divided. -- 1 Cor 7:32-34

I must admit I was thinking about this passage in the Bible as I was preparing the plans for my engagement. J and I had been talking about marriage for the past couple months although we kept it a secret from most of you, haha. But the real challenge was that J still wanted to be surprised when the time came. So that involved ALOT of cunning and lying. My apologies to all the people I had to lie to in covering up my plans, haha. Thus the reason I thought of the verse above. Lord, forgive me.

So J is a pretty smart girl, the smartest I've ever met in fact. So the plan to surprise her would only work through deception and misdirection just like a magician (way to start off the marriage, I know, haha). Anyways, getting engaged can be quite an arduous task. You have to do alot of things that you've never done before like figure out how to find a good jeweler and know the difference between a good diamond and a bad one. The tough part about this is you can't really ask anyone without drawing attention to your plans. Then you got to figure out what her ring size is without her suspecting and hopefully guess what kind of ring she will like. The operation was set up into 3 phases.

Phase 1: Get the ring

Since I really didn't want to draw attention to myself, I went where I normally go when I don't know what to do...Google. And the first hit was FindMyJeweler.com. That's a pretty cool site because they do all the research for you in finding a good jeweler. It made it even easier that it only recommended one in the entire greater L.A. area...this one. Since I see J quite often, I had to do this without her suspecting where I was since I couldn't be with her when I was shopping for it. I was able to do it on my lunch hour since they had an office by appointment in downtown. I thought this part was going to take a while, but it actually happened very quickly. It was one visit to pick it out and one to pick it up a few days later. The jeweler, Troy, was really good. He not only got me what I was looking for, but also for the price I wanted. And although at this point I was knowledgable in the 4 C's (color, clarity, cut, and...cost(?)), he actually found me a lower grade diamond that looked brighter than a higher grade one and saved me a $1000! Finding the ring size and the style J wanted was not so difficult for me since she already told me what those were (makes it even harder to surprise her, doesn't it?) Anyways, before I knew it the ring was mine and I was ready for Phase 2.

Phase 2: Talking to the Parents

This was just a surreal moment entirely. I've met J's parents a few times and I even helped them move a couple times, but I sure didn't know them so well too feel comfortable asking for their daughter's hand. I would have to say that was quite nervous experience. Since they pretty much live down the street from me, I knew I had to go see them in person. So I made a phone call to set up a visit. It went something like this:

K: I would like to come over for a visit sometime.
J's Mom: Ok, that would be fine. Is it just you and not J, right?
K: Yes, just me...oh, and don't tell J.

Hmm, do you think they knew what I was up to? Anyways, J actually had lunch with her mom between my call and when I actually came over. I hear she's not very good at keeping secrets, but she was able to hold in and she succeeded by just circumventing the topic of me entirely, haha. J thought it was strange that her mom didn't even want to bring me up in conversation, but she didn't think too much of it.

So the next day, I dropped in at her parents and cut to the chase pretty quick. "Can I marry J?" So then her dad says to me, "It's been a while since I talked to J about this, but last time we talked she wasn't so sure about you." I think he was having fun with me, but then I seriously got grilled like any good Christian father would do.

What do you believe about marriage?
What are your passions in life?
Do you read the Bible daily?
Have you read the Bible cover to cover?
You should have children.

Ok, that last one wasn't a question, but more of an expectation since I did get the approval, haha, but man, I was sweating. But I got through it and they liked my answers, woohoo! So J's mom asked when I was going to propose since she didn't know how much longer she could keep the secret. "This weekend I hope." It was time for Phase 3.

Phase 3: Execute the Plan

This was tough. Really tough. It's actually quite easy to surprise someone. All you have to do is ask in the worst most unexpected way possible. Well, that won't do. Can you imagine telling her friends that story? "I was walking down the street and Kev jumped out of the bushes and yelled 'Surprise! Will you marry me?'" Yeah, that's not going to work. On the flip side, you can do it super special and then she'll see it coming a mile away, and so basically ignoring her one requirement which was to be surprised. That won't do either. So I had to find some kind of equilibrium between surprise and special, thus the reason for cunning, deception, and misdirection, moohaha! This was a true challenge for me. If I am truly a Skitguru, I should be able to play the part convincingly enough to fool her. It has to be real enough to be me and yet sneaky enough so that she won't suspect. So I pretty much spent the last month acting like a somewhat aloof bonehead. I kept telling her things like "I don't know where to buy a ring. I've been really busy. It's really confusing. This is so hard. You're right, I need to do that soon." Often times, I would change the subject after giving one of these responses.

It worked pretty well. I even had her giving me tips on who to ask for help. We also went to some nice spots that could have been engagement spots in an impromptu setting, but I didn't do anything like that. We just took pictures or talked about how I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture so she wouldn't expect on that day when I was really using those excuses. The Wednesday before the plan, I drove around Palos Verdes to look for a prime spot where we hadn't been before. Funny thing was it was totally dark when I was looking around the area. That must have looked so suspicious. I found a nice little bench overlooking the cliffs and the ocean with Catalina Island in the background. So I had my spot. Now the only challenge was convincing her to go there with me without getting wise.

So March 19 had come. I was actually in Big Bear for my church retreat and was hoping to get down the mountain quickly enough to do this. I sure didn't want J's mom to wait another week. The tricky thing was the weather was pretty bad that weekend and there was traffic in L.A. to deal with for sure. Also I had to coordinate J getting down there through traffic from West L.A. to meet me all before sunset. I knew I didn't have enough time to get home first and then call her to come down. She had to leave before I got home, but I still had to get there before she did to get the stuff I needed together. The plan was I was going to call her at 2pm and tell her when I'd be home, but I forgot, so J was a bit annoyed to call me at 4pm wondering why I didn't call. Oops, my mind was on other things, but I just gave the "I'm a flake!" excuse. So I told her to leave in 30 minutes. I was in the car with J's brother and his wife while we raced through traffic and she had told me that was cutting it pretty close for getting there by sunset and I should call her back and tell her to leave now. The traffic was moving faster at that point so we were pretty sure I'd still get there before her. So I called her back and told her to just leave now. J thought it was weird that I would seek to save only 15 minutes, but she obliged.

We stopped for flowers on the way home. Then we got to my place. I put the flowers in the trunk of my car and was home for about 5 minutes before she arrived. That's when I realized I forgot to shave. Oh well, more smoke for the mirrors, haha.

K: Ready to go?
J: Go where?
K: I thought we planned on going driving in PV so you could practice stick some more.
J: We did? I guess we talked about it, but that was never the plan.
K: Yeah, you wanted to do it so we better do it.
J: Ok, but let me rest for a bit, I was just driving for an hour.
K: What's the big deal? I'm going to do the driving. (I totally slipped here. Good thing was in aloof mode.)
J: No you're not, I'm going to drive if I'm learning stick.
K: Oh yeah, haha. (Here comes the save.) I also want to get up there by sunset cuz I wanted to take some pictures since we didn't have a camera last week. It just rained so the sky should be really clear.
J: Ok fine.

Ok, so that's the gist of what was said. Just imagine more "huhs?" and "whats?" from J.

And we're off. So we drove up Hawthorne Blvd. all the way to the end. I pretended like I was roaming. On our way there we were talking. She was telling me how her cousin was already planning our wedding. And I was saying stuff like "Whoa, hang on, we got to do a couple things before we even start that. I haven't got the ring and I haven't even talked to your parents yet." So since she brought up the topic, I was going to use it to my advantage. I started asking for help in talking to her parents. I wanted to sound weak. I asked if she could tell them that I was going to ask them so they knew why I was calling. I didn't want it to be awkward, haha. J thought it would be awkward if I did approach them without warning so she said she would mention it to them the following weekend, hehe.

When I drove by the spot, I said "Whoa? This area looks cool. Let's take a picture here, ok?" J obliged. One thing drastically different about the location from checking it out at night was there were people there. They were just walking up and down the path every couple of minutes. So I stalled by not being satisfied with my pictures, haha. The people cleared off and so sitting on that bench I told her I wrote her something and I wanted to read it to her. I wrote her a poem. I never made a serious attempt at a poem before, but I figured I'm a somewhat accomplished writer, so I should give it my best effort. It was quite silly in the beginning and it got serious near the end where the last line of the poem said "...Will you marry me?" as I got on one knee and brought out the ring. J did not say yes nor did she say no, but instead she was just stunned and said, "What? How did you do this?" Ha ha! Success! It was special and a surprise. She did say yes quickly after that. So then I got to tell her all the times I lied to her and how when I told her I was doing one thing I was really doing something else. She was quite surprised at how cunning I could be and frankly so was I, haha. We went back to the car and I gave her the flowers (another surprise! success!). Then we went to dinner with her family.

Anyways, that's the story. Sorry it took me awhile, but I rarely have time to write this extensively anymore. Hope you enjoyed it! J's version is a little different than mine. It's funny to hear her thoughts as I was doing all these strange things.

Sorry, No Story Yet

Time just got away from me this week. I hope to get it on here by the weekend. In the meantime, I'll show you an interesting tidbit. Based on the statistics traffic below, guess which day I announced my engagement. The number of hits increased by 1000%! Ha ha! I guess I finally wrote something truly interesting. Sorry for the delay on the story. It'll be worth the wait.

It's My Turn Now!

When I first started this blog, I talked alot about my dream which was to live in a foreign country for a time. Well, in the last few months, I found a new dream that was far more interesting and that is to marry JH. Today I took a major step in achieving that dream. We will be married on Nov. 4!



I'll tell the story later this week.

Was I Dreaming?

I was in Westwood tonight and while I was walking on the sidewalk, I see this old man driving his big wide car at about 5 miles an hour. He was coming the other way and heading opposite the way I was going. As he passed by, I noticed he had all the windows down and had his music cranked really loud which sounded like ragtime or something you'd hear around WWII. So I'm wondering if he was cruising or something? I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I did a double take for sure. He was going so slow I did multiple double takes. It was so surreal. I can't believe I saw that.

Interesting article.

Two Weddings in One Day

I heard of people doing this, but I never had the experience myself. This Saturday, I went to two weddings. If that wasn't stressful enough, I was a groomsman in one of them (the first one). Luckily, one was a morning wedding and the other was a late afternoon wedding. It all started in Simi Valley for my old high school friend, John. Had to be there two hours early for pictures. Then for the reception, I got introduced as part of the wedding party, sat down at the table I was designated for, took a picture with Joyce with the camera at the table, promptly stood up and excused my self, "Sorry we have to leave now, we have another wedding to attend." Man, not even enough time to eat the food. Then we drove to Alhambra for wedding #2, but I had to stop in West L.A. so that Joyce and I could take one car and also so I could change out of my tux into different dress up clothes. We got there just in time to see the bride, my good friend, Doms, finish walking down the aisle. After the ceremony was my first chance to eat since the beginning of the day. Then we went to the banquet afterwards. All in all, it was a 15+ hour day. A joyous day indeed, but I hope to never do that again.